The Ultimate “I’m Overstimulated but Need This” List: Christmas Edition

Max Ziervogel
14 minutes ago
5 min read

I’m not sending you a Christmas list this year, Santa.

And before you panic — no, I haven’t suddenly become low-maintenance. Please. I can’t even type that with a straight face.

It’s just… somewhere between running (yes, I’m still calling myself a runner), managing too many Google Calendars, drinking matcha like it’s personality fuel, and crying in the car on a Tuesday — I accidentally bought myself everything I wanted.

So instead of asking you for gifts, I thought I’d share the things that actually made my year better.

Things I love.

Things I use.

Things I think other people should have too, whether they asked for my opinion or not.

Sit back, Santa. Learn something.

1. Stanley — My Forever First Place

Colour? Doesn’t matter.

Size? Irrelevant.

Emotional support? 10/10.

Every Stanley I own is in first place. I want more. I will continue wanting more. I am the problem and the solution is always “another Stanley”. If you catch me without one in hand… no, you didn’t.

But to be real, I seriously appreciate the brand. The way a Stanley hits the exact temperature my home water machine refuses to deliver? Perfection. And yes… it’s time to expand the collection. The Stanley Iceflow Flip Straw in grey and orange is calling my name.

2. Veja Sneakers — Uncomfortable, Delusional, Perfect

Are they comfortable? No.

Do they make me feel something? Absolutely.

They complete outfits, personalities, and entire eras of my life.

My first pair — orange — emotional. I cried. They are special for reasons I can’t explain.

Yes, they hurt sometimes. No, I will not take them off. Instead, I’ll buy new ones in new colours for the new identities I pick up weekly.

And the fact that my Stanley matched them without me realising? Powerful.

3. Burnt Gym Shirts — My Personality Now, Bro.

My sister-in-law started this. I judged her. Now I own three. Dark green, white, black.

They’re iconic and a material I hate(d), but the feeling and the vibes... the vibes. They make me feel like I’m cranking out reps for a sport I’ve never played.

I used to judge the girlies with the Merc/BMW keys and coordinated gym outfits at 2pm… until I realised I was one and had no shame about it. And honestly? My muscles since training in these? Elite. Life-changing. Ground-brea-king. A runner with muscles. Shut up.

4. Sony ZV-E10 — My Chef’s Kiss Era

Everyone said “buy the Canon G-blah-blah.” I wanted a challenge. Sony delivered.

The ZV-E10 with the Sony F1.8 lens? Magical.

Crisp.

Almost too crisp.

Like “why can I see my soul?” crisp.

But it pushed me into the fun, wholesome-chaotic creator lane. I love it. Even if I only understand 40% of what it can do. (Also Takealot putting it on special a week later was personal.)

5. Walking Pad — Because Your Boy’s a Fitness Boy

Picture this aesthetic:

Boet energy. White BMW 1 Series... Sportline, bro. Walking pad. Burnt tee. On Clouds. CAN - YOU - EVEN? I CAN'T. LAAAAAIK.

Tick, tick, tick.

I fetched this walking pad in the rain, humiliated, soaked, no dignity left and on an independent mission to do it on my own — got home, stepped on it, and life changed. Walking while going absolutely nowhere? Therapy.

Bought a standing desk too. A scam. Worst part? I dragged Stephan to Braaaaanstan to fetch this big desk with me. We now use it in bed for tea and rusks. No regrets. (By we, I mean me...)

6. Country Road Tote & Key Ring — Identity Items

Four bags. Four neutral colours: Dark Blue, Black, Grey, Beige.

And one key ring in baby blue that does NOT match my BMW’s red/blue energy (if anyone knows where to get a replacement BMW key at a normal price, please DM me).

These bags go with me everywhere — work, home, cafés, bed, and now even on the side of the road outside Sandton across from Merc while my BMW is being airlifted onto the tow truck who OUTSurance organised way quicker than I could buy more Burnt and a Macha, great service I might add. They’ve carried my laptop, trauma, groceries, charging cables, socks from 2022, a Windowlene and half my dignity.

They’re the “Shove Max’s life in a bag and keep moving” system.

Longchamp is still beloved, but Country Road survives the chaos and the washing machine.

Yes, my key is peeling on the badge and no I am not ok.

7. On Clouds — Basic but I’m Comfortable

Yes, I know they are the iced-latte-athlete uniform.

Yes, I’m wearing them anyway.

They’re absurdly comfortable. Suspiciously comfortable.

My white pair is my “my Veja’s are too loud today” shoe.

A perfect duo.

8. iPhone 17 Pro (Not Max) — The Plot Twist

Two days. 200km. Rain. Tears. A dead phone. A crisis. I must add, I was not emotionally ready for an upgrade and even had three months of reminders that I read and ignored, but if my husband tells me we going to gym in two cars because I'm going to get a new phone after (he refuses to come to the iStore with me... the guy remembered me. Stephan left an impression, and I smile through the judgement) then you know it's bad. I left that morning and came home that evening with no new phone. But I did have road rage at a lady in a Merc because her brake lights were annoying me - you can just imagine. Stephan left me in peace, no questions, no annoying questions - just me doing ironing. It was that bad.

The next morning I walked into the iStore and said:

“Give me whatever you have, I actually cannot do this anymore.”

Walked out with the 17 Pro — NOT the Max.

A smaller phone.

A softer phone.

A phone that doesn’t overstimulate my entire nervous system.

My 15 Pro Max was my comfort object — perfect condition, five-minute battery life. Stephan staged an intervention. iStore humbled me. Vodacom betrayed me. I spiraled and my BMW broke down the next day. And somehow… ended up with the phone I actually needed.

9. Dyson V15 — Technically His, Obviously Mine

Technically Stephan’s. Realistically ours. Spiritually mine.

The man creates messes. I clean them.

So the Dyson belongs to me by law (my law).

The green laser humbles you. It exposes filth you thought didn’t exist. Kirby fur? Exposed. Dust? Exposed. Your soul? Exposed. If you don’t have one, you’re not living in the light.

10. Kirby the Labrador — The Best Thing I “Own” (But Not Really)

No, I didn’t buy her this year.

But she is absolutely something that made my year better, my life better, and my sanity possible.

She is perfect. Dramatic. Loyal. Emotional.

A one-time limited-edition Labrador.

She sulks, sheds, snores, comforts, judges, supports, and barks at me when I least expect it. She sits with me at 1am and again at 3:30am like it’s normal behaviour. She watches me wash my car for the third time in a week as emotional support.

She is a product you cannot buy.

And I am not sharing stock. She is forever.