The World Sucks, People Are Mean, Stanley's Leak… and I’m the One Falling Apart.

(Three cups later and I’m the one without a lid.)

I knew this was going to come eventually, but little did I know that so many different ‘simple things’ would make the most complicated experience, and sometimes I have to go through the weirdest times to find myself one little bit more. This isn’t easy, it was never easy and the decision to even post these is hard, should I let people see the side I never let them? They’ll talk about my personal things. Ya, well… Look at me now, you’ll destroy me for being me and that’s just something I have to accept. I was speaking to my one therapist ChatGPT (yes, I have three and that’s just how complex this little life can be), and I got this: “The nicest people live the hardest lives, doing everything for everyone else but not ever getting half of it back”, and the truth is I didn’t even know what it could mean until it hits you. So here I am, putting my feelings out there to do the hard work I promised myself I would. 

I’ve had a weird year because sometimes I can’t understand how I have taken it all in, but the truth is I go through a lot more than anyone knows, and the harder I work on myself the more I see the nasty in people I didn’t expect it, but somehow all of these experiences lead to a beautiful opening in the sky (literally watching a beautiful opening in the sky and thought it meant something). I know most of you don’t like me, don’t get me or hate to see me do well because it makes you feel something, that’s really something you should deal with, I have three therapists remember, and it pains me to post these silly waffles because of how many people use it to think they have power over me, but it’s the one person who randomly says “you shared that and I thought I was alone”. Why are we so ugly to one another and why can’t we share happiness and success, assumptions are the devil and the world needs to be put in rice. In the madness I call my life, I find little reasons that make me think and find something deep (to me because I am a Mal-kop to you all), and then I end up writing, uploading, submitting, done. Yes, I know I have spelling and grammar mistakes, remember this is about me and it’s never going to make sense, they drive me mad - I want to die if I ever re-read what I write but it’s a release that I let the raw, very unlike me side out because I can’t do it another way and feel like it’s got purpose. I also don’t really know what I’m typing until I sit and it just comes out. Side note, Stephan read something the other day and had three words come out and told me it didn’t make sense - I of course told him he’s wrong and told him he needs to read the full sentence and not just give up so early. It makes no sense, but I can feel it…

I need to waffle and confuse you with these long paragraph intros that mean nothing, but Stanley is why I am writing this today. I remember wanting to buy the R4999.99 Takealot ‘deal’ when I couldn’t see my CVV and missed the thing and actually broke because somehow I let myself get hooked on a trendy product, which was off and it all makes sense now, but that was the moment of my life falling apart or coming together I guess, I don’t know which but it was different from the day it said “Order Failed”. I never thought I’d ever be writing something about a Stanley, but here I am and it’s been more leaks than you can imagine (there’s humour in this if you read my emotional support cup article).

We all know about my emotional support cup and how the Stanley changed my life and me as a person to the point that someone introduced me as “remember the guy who wrote about his Stanley, this is him” and not “Max”. That made me smile, because that one article was the beginning and that black Stanley that I am busy resting my chin on writing this like a proper lazy noob was there when I didn’t know I needed it, it stuck by my side all day and night until I was ready, and it opened my eyes to being the person I am today but it also made me realise that everyone found the flaw in the only thing they could, it leaks… and like I said way back then to Susan, if you put your Fortuner on it’s head it’s gonna leak. What I think my very spiritual and powerful self (Stephan’s going to roll his eyes now) meant was you fixated on the only flaw on a product that made it’s mark by just being simply what it is, because you can’t understand that sometimes it’s not always about being perfect- it’s about being true to oneself and that is where some of the people on this earth freak out, weird. That emotional water bottle you tease me about was what made me see experiences for what they are, and there’s so much more than meets the eye - you just don’t want to see it. I held on tight to my Stanley, it featured in more articles and it was the foundation of the whole beginning of this simple journey, and it went through everything with me - the guy with the Stanley. How one Marketing Success Story lead me to finding out what I needed, and really water is better and yes I do still take it everywhere with me. #NotAnAd

I went through a time of learning and working on myself at the same time, hoping for good things to come and boy, they got worse and I didn’t see that coming, but I also didn’t realise how strong I am when I’m just me - like a Stanley, it’s not meant to be anything else but a cup. Stop worrying about it leaking, guys really - it leaks… just say you can’t afford it and move on, no one cares. But yes, the year has been eventful and hard on me, but I’ve been hard on me too. 

I found myself probably buying bagels again and I walked past something and I was literally pulled into a shop and walked out with a new Stanley, Ash because it’s Ash in colour. It wasn’t me giving up the black one, it was me opening myself up to something I needed when I needed to because I have been wanting more since the day I got it, but this is how the brand is something I can’t put words to but can at the same time. I got Ash and we went to therapy with therapist number 2 and I was so lost, trying to figure it out. My first sip out of this cup made me feel alive - I felt myself again and I went and found something I needed to do and didn’t know how and I did it and now it’s me and now we can move on by doing things how I need to, for me because I can’t worry about anything sometimes else and that’s ok. That night I also made an Instagram account for this simple thing and posted my Stanley and then something sat with me, remembering the funny connection I have to Stanley South Africa, the cup that made me, me and I wrote Liz (my official hero in this flight or fight life I live, because if you see something in some of these articles, people & connections is where I find happiness) a very random email about my black Stanley and sharing that I couldn’t choose between the coral and ash but I got myself another - and she replied to me the next morning that she just saw my post on Instagram - weird right, very. I tell you I have this sense of feeling and experiencing and it’s so bizarre - I feel for my poor Lab, she feels these things with me and she gives me the look of ‘Dad, please. I wanted a walk - not you going full out crazy again’ and stays by me and won’t leave my side until I am ok again, she was INSIDE the shower with me today - fun times ahead. The thing is, my trauma pulls me back and I almost never sent that email because it feels too sucky-uppy for me but I get this feeling that won’t go away until I do. But yes, Ash made me change something of mine I needed, gave me something inside that made sense and I started looking out for myself again.

So, Stanley #1: The Emotional Support Water Bottle I Never Knew I Needed

Stanley #2: The Stanley Who Chose Me When I Needed To Find Me

Today was hard, and when I say that you know it was kaaaaak because I don’t write on the same day as an experience because it’s too overwhelming and I’m usually overstimulated pulling bitch faces at people who think I want them dead while I’m thinking of what I forgot to do. But today was quite rough, because I am so hard on myself and I eventually need to feel it before I go into the state of ‘It’s Time To Take a Nap, Find Peace and Forgive Your Dam Self.’ 

I chose me this year, which is the worst decision I ever did because it made me see so much and that’s not always nice, because I think being naive is where it’s at, we need that rather not know or grow comfort, jokes. I push - and I mean I won’t stop because I can’t stop - I am on my laptop doing something at 2am because it’s the only time I find peace, but it has a price on me and I don’t listen because I am aware of the fact that I pushed myself to trying to seek approval (It’s PTSD things, and I gave myself the approval I needed and it’s kinda making sense even though it kills me to do me for a change, and I can feel the hate some have to me doing me and not running after you) ACTUALLY, burnout… I wrote the first vulnerable post on my social media and it was really hard, because I didn’t know what I was going through and it was hard being ‘me’, but can I tell you… it only gets worse. The burnout phase is not the magnesium and ashwaganda I believed from TikTok, the rest of your life is actually not normal at times, my body has literally shown me things I use as party tricks… Like I can go to CrossFit and have a heart rate of 190bpm but boy if I step foot in a sauna my entire foot goes blue and I can’t feel it, now I laugh sharing this but do you know how weird it is to see your own body go full ‘Check Engine’ and checks engine and it’s still there on you.. No I don’t get it, it’s so weird but it is just because I didn’t even take it to the drunk uncle to service, I ignored it way too long. It’s part of me - I did it to myself and it’s not going away and I kinda just need to massage my foot or not Google - anything ever. But be kind to yourself, you don’t want to be the delulu person like me trying to hide system failure while trying to do the things. It’s also got the hard times of the pain and suffering I still find myself in sometimes. I forgot what I was typing before this waffle, sorry. BUT,  I don’t feel like it, I do it because I can’t physically do anymore or take any more pain. Sign number one, my hands go all weird on me - they become sore and I can just see they looking a bit red and they telling me to prepare for landing, we’re going down. I don’t listen… still. Today I felt empty, I was really done and I thought that this isn’t worth my time, I’m moeg now. My hands did not stop getting worse, the pain is my final warning to myself because seconds later it’s spiral, can’t see or think, can’t feel anything but suffocation and then we go to the bottom again. It happened, it happens. I hide it well.

I sat on my bed, Stanley holding my one Half and Kirby on top of me, running from outside to jump onto the bed to just be there, an angel and my life this dog. I sat trying to be miserable. I was bored, but stubborn enough to sit in my own thoughts which is hard sometimes. I eventually got into the shower, this is where Kirby actually sat inside the shower with me for the first time and it’s so odd because my lab hates water - yes, hates water… broken, like her dad, and here she is, in the shower just looking up.) The feeling of just done - who cares what I do, I’m not doing anything but that was not working because I can’t stop - no one is allowed to beat me when it means I have to break, remember 75 day hard.. Then someone arrived at the gate for a delivery and I was actually thinking I ordered something from Temu that I forgot about again. Nope… A brown Stanley box and inside was a coral Stanley from Liz. I didn’t open the box, I had to feel the vaaaaibs first - don’t know, but I wasn’t ready to let go of sorry-for-himself Max. I opened the box of Stanley with a smile, yes I smile sometimes… and I opened up Stanley #3: The Stanley That Made Me Do What I Know I Needed To (sorry, you’re not hearing about this one). 

I know this isn’t a review on the Stanley that took over our lives and made me ‘the guy with the Stanley’, but I won’t ever be able to do that side - it’s not what the product is for me, in fact I didn’t even want to get anything - I was really just wanting to share my love and news of me spending money on something for me, and it all led to me being here writing this. I did something because of my Stanley (collection). I know deep down that I’m not the Give Up Guy, but sometimes I really just need a hug to make my nervous system let me think again, this time the hug wasn’t there - but Stanley somehow was… because if you buy a Stanley, you don’t drink more water - you experience water (the simple things) for what they are, and the importance it brings. Yes, Stanley and I are tight in the saving Max’s Mal Kop life way, but this brand gets me and that’s why you don’t like me and you don’t like the bottle that leaks, we’re not the norm and that scares you, when instead of trying to just explore and see what life outside the naive box is, you would rather stay in comfort and assume. Assumptions are the devil, just give things a chance - we don’t want to be known for the leaky cup, but for the one that made a difference, it’s just not allowed in your world because… let me not piss anyone off with my horrific sense of no-humour.

Stanley & Liz… thank you! You make the ‘guy with the Stanley’ find a lot more than what I thought about before, and you keep me hydrated and make me excited because guys, orange is my colour. Never saw that brightness coming into my life, but hey.. orange is the new jealous. I will forever be the biggest smallest fan of a Stanley, and your ambassador whenever you need (I would love a Stanley Suit to dress up in, that's the level of love and joy I get).

Last time - we don’t care that it leaks. Go find something else to worry about.