Geely E5 Launch: A Pretty Car, A Wild Balloon, and a Renewed Love for My BMW

This morning started with me confidently driving to Gallagher Estate, coffee in hand, GPS locked in… only for Waze to casually dump me at what I can only describe as some government stronghold. Diplomat plates everywhere, men with AK47s instead of smiles, and me rolling my window down like an idiot going, “Hi, how are yeewww? Where’s Gallagher Estate?”

Gross. I embarrassed myself before 8AM.

Turns out Geely’s launch was happening over two days - a fancy evening one last night (couldn’t make it) and then the morning session today. And there I was, bright-eyed, answering emails about absolute nonsense while watching yet another Chinese car brand enter South Africa. Surprise? Not really. These days they’re popping up like mushrooms after rain.

First Impressions: Apple C + Apple V + Sprinkle of Porsche

Look, the car is pretty. I’ll give them that. But personally? When I looked at the E5, all I saw was an Apple C then Apple V (if you know, you know) of a Porsche Cayenne, VW Tiguan, Mercedes EQB… throw in the kitchen sink and maybe a little Renault Koleos.

It’s a collage, babes.

This was a product launch, so obviously we sat through the usual speeches:

• Here are the specs

• Here’s how to update the OS

• Here’s why we’re “not like the others”

• We’re “the best-sellers in…” (insert vague region here)

It’s basically watching an Apple keynote, just with more acronyms and fewer turtlenecks.

I’ll be honest - cars these days stress me out. The service? Horrifying. Prices? Even worse. Build quality? Like a dry croissant - flaky at best. Even brands I’ve loved (looking at you, Mercedes) just aren’t what they used to be. I’m nostalgic for when cars had character instead of an identity crisis.

Pricing: The Part That Knocked the Wind Out of Me

Then Geely unveiled their pricing. The cash price for the Geely E5 EM-i Aspire is R599,999.

Okay. Fine. That’s… normal for 2025’s ridiculous car market.

But then they did the “Woo hoo! Look how low we got the monthly instalment!” finance dance with WesBank:

• R7,998 p/m

• 0% deposit

• 48 months

• 65% balloon

Sorry, what?

Sixty-five percent?

On a brand-new brand with zero long-term after-sales track record?

I had to sit with myself for a moment. Actually, I’m still sitting with myself.

Imagine buying this car, it loses value (because… reality), and four years later you get smacked with a balloon the size of a medium-sized house deposit. What then? You roll that into the next deal, then the next one, and eventually you’re driving a car you technically don’t even own while owing enough to buy a G-Class.

I’m sorry, Geely and WesBank - are you okay? Because I’m not.

The Actual Drive: Buttons, Please. PLEASE.

The drive itself… welcome to another episode of “Where Are The Buttons?”

Everything is on a screen. Everything. Want to open the sunroof? Menu item 12.

Want to change a setting? Menu item 584.

Want to simply exist? Not possible.

The screen is huge and confusing and made me feel dumb - and I do not feel dumb in a car. Ever.

Then I connected my phone, expecting CarPlay. Instead, it mirrored my whole screen like some dodgy AirPlay setup. No, thank you. Give me normal CarPlay and leave me in peace.

To Be Fair… Two Things Were Lovely

I’ll give credit where it’s due:

1. Massage seats - cute. My gran’s Peugeot 3008 also has them, but still.

2. The reclining Maybach-ish passenger seat - weirdly delightful. Very “tannie in an old-age home watching KykNET,” but luxurious in its own way.

But the rest?

Beeping. Booping. Flashing. Identity crisis. Drama.

It felt like driving a giant smartphone with wheels - and not in a good way. Zero soul. Zero personality. Zero spark. Just… a very well-equipped vacuum.

And Yet… People Want These Cars

There is a massive demand for Chinese cars in SA. And honestly, I get it. You get a ton of features, a big shiny thing to drive, and a price tag that doesn’t immediately require therapy.

Some Chinese cars really impress me - they’ve pushed design forward at a time when so many brands are phoning it in.

But my goodness, can we please retire the old 1.5T engines and inject some actual excitement into cars again?

Perspective: My Good Old BMW

Here’s the emotional twist I didn’t expect.

After the launch, I climbed back into my “old” little BMW 116i, pressed that push-start button, and felt… love.

Like actual love.

It’s solid. It’s honest. It’s got quirks. It has personality.

It feels like mine.

I’ve driven test cars before where I dreaded giving them back. But today? Today I drove the new shiny thing and couldn’t wait to return to my car.

If you know what it’s like to fall for a car - a real car - you get it. My 1-Series gives me joy. That drive home reminded me exactly why.

Final Thoughts

Geely - thank you for the experience. Truly.

Thanks for reminding me how much I adore my dependable little BMW.

Thanks for letting me try something new.

But a 65% balloon for a car with no history, no soul, and too many screens?

No.

Not today.

Not ever.